


Won't You Stay Alive? (I'll take you on a ride)

by ethcanyoustop



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: ADHD, Depression, Eating Disorders, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Schizophrenia, Self Harm, alright let me fuck with your feelings, bcus im gay and its only fair, gay shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-08-19
Packaged: 2018-10-09 22:51:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10423584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ethcanyoustop/pseuds/ethcanyoustop
Summary: Trigger warning. If you're dealing with any of this, talk to me. Or get help. You deserve to live happily.Read with caution.





	1. You Say Things With Your Mouth

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning. If you're dealing with any of this, talk to me. Or get help. You deserve to live happily.  
> Read with caution.

_"He just won't speak, I'm worried"_  
_"Is he retarded?"_  
_"I think he might be mute"_  
_"But when we force him to speak, he makes sounds"_  
_"Maybe he is retarded"_  
_"He's good for nothing"_  
_"Josh, you're embarrassing me, speak"_  
_"I TOLD YOU TO FUCKING TALK"_  
  
Those were the sentences Josh heard on a daily basis. He could talk, he knew he could. He was just scared. And today, scared was just an understatement, right now he was absolutely terrified. Josh hurt a kid. He didn't mean to, but the kid was calling him names, and said his mom didn't love him. The rest, well you know.

"Joshua, what made you stab the kid?"  
"............"  
The woman had a sharp look, and she tried way too hard to look sweet. "Joshua, it was an 11 year old. You're 17. What drove you to do so?" He had started scratching at his cheek. "Joshua, why do you start doing that? Do you get anxious? Do you have the need to harm yourself?" She kept asking questions, and Josh started rubbing his arm. She suddenly rolled up his sleeves. "Joshua" An ear-piercing scream erupted from the brown haired boy.

"I'm so sorry, he has no self control-and, and..." His mother looked at him, and her eyes screamed at him. _Useless motherfucker_. Josh put his head down, ashamed. People started walking past him, and whispering as he started shaking. Their shadows screamed that he was alone. His vision started getting blurry, and he looked up and only saw blurry faces.

 _Why am I here?_ The hall ways were white. The rooms were plain and clean. A boy with a strangely large forehead was glaring at a couple of the doctors. "Fight me, whore" The boy spat at a blonde nurse. Next to him were 2 boys, an emo looking one and one who looked way too innocent to be here. The innocent one was rocking back and forth, and he started hitting his stomach. Then 4 other boys, then more, and more, and more. Josh had starting shaking. _They're going to laugh at me._

"Here's your room. If you need anything, ask one of the nurses, okay sweetie?" Said a middle-aged woman. Josh nodded quickly, wanting her out of his room as soon as possible. She patted him and left. He started looking around. Bunk beds, 2 shelves, a door leading who knows where, probably a bathroom. And a box of stuff. "Hey" Josh covered himself with his arms, in fear that someone would hurt him. "Oh, you're one of _those_ , huh?" He had started shaking badly as he leaned in the corner of the wall and sank down. "No, it's okay. I won't hurt you. I'm Tyler. What's your name?" The boy known as Tyler said. His tone didn't seem like he meant harm. Josh tried to talk but Spooky told him not to. So he just pointed at his mouth. "You can't talk?" He nodded. "It's okay. I talk a lot so you won't have to worry. I'm here because I tried to kill myself. And I don't eat. Are you here because you don't talk? Because you can't socialize? Or do you react badly when people look at you?"  
Josh put up 3 fingers. Usually he got anxious when people asked him too many questions. But Tyler asked them in a way that he didn't get scared. Tyler laughed and sat in front of Josh, who looked at him with wide eyes. "It's okay. Look I can help you. You won't have to suffer being here, or be scared of talking to people. okay?" Josh flinched as Tyler put a hand on his brown hair. He flashed Josh a smile as he ran his hands through his hair. "You say things with your mouth" Tyler said, as a joke. Josh cracked a soft, hesitant, smile, and opened his mouth, then immediately closing it. _He's going to get tired of this really quick, isn't he?_


	2. Chapter 2: Cobwebs and Flies Come Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my one and only, literally only, fren read this and she said she liked it so yay!

Tyler sighed when Josh didn't talk.

"Only cobwebs and flies, so far. But it's okay! You opened your mouth, so I'm proud" He said as he hugged Josh.  
Josh started shaking a tad bit.  
"Oh, sorry! I forgot"  
  
That night, Josh slept on the top bunk, since Tyler wasn't allowed to be on top.  
The doctors said he would jump off and they didn't want that.  
"Josh. Do you think you're pretty? I think you're pretty"  
His arms starting flapping as he made a tiny shriek.  
After a while, he calmed down and walked down the ladder.  
He sat on the side of Tyler's bed and looked at him.  
Tyler looked at him, then he reached to pull him in for a hug.  
"I wanted to die young, you know? But now, I don't really want to. Wow, I just met you, and now I'm staying alive for you" Tyler said, holding him tighter.  
Josh was starting to like these hugs. And it's only been a day. They made him feel safe.  
"Josh, sleep with me? I get really bad nightmares."  
He nodded, hesitantly curling up against Tyler.  
  
"Wake up, Joshua, Tyler. It's time to wake up" said a voice that dripped with boredom and regret.  
Tyler made a loud noise as he literally rolled out of bed.  
"Tyler! Get up, off the ground!" The woman yelled.  
Josh was startled by her, and he curled up in a ball and started whimpering.  
He shut his eyes tightly as did his hands around his hears as the woman shook him, yelling, asking why.  
She tried to calm him down, but she was scared.   
Not for him, but for herself.  
"Don't touch him, jeez. Can you try to at least act like you're a fucking nurse?" Tyler said, as soft yet menacing as he could.  
  
"They're idiots, right? Don't worry, though. There's this one nurse, perfect woman! Jenna is her name, now if I wasn't as straight as a bag of curly fries I would be in love"   
Josh giggled quietly, until a loud, beautiful laugh erupted from him.  
He thought he did something wrong when Tyler said nothing and stared at him.  
_I told you, he's going to hate you now. Tyler thinks your voice is hideous. Ew, I agree._  
His hands covered his face as he started to whimper.  
"Josh, no. What's wrong? I'm not mad. It's just.. That was the most beautiful sound I've heard"  
  _Don't listen to him! He's trying to get you to talk now! He's trying to get you KILLED!!!!_  
Tyler noticed how Josh opened his mouth to speak.  
But nothing came out, except for a squeak.  
_Live for you? HA! He's trying to kill you, just so he won't stay alive for long! Don't you dare try and speak!_  
So Josh obeyed.  
  
  


 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the endings are killing me and im the one writing it, fun.


	3. I Hear a Second Voice Behind Your Tongue Somehow

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY! I KNOW I SAID FRIDAY BUT I DIDN'T SLEEP AT ALL YESTERDAY AND IT TURNS OUT I WROTE SOMETHING SO HERE IT IS.

Tyler stared at him.  
"Come on, let's get you breakfast. After that you have to see some nurse"  
That scared Josh.  
Being alone, with one older person.  
And Josh not being able to talk..  
"Hey, hey... It'll be okay!" Tyler said softly, rubbing a thumb over his hand.  
"I'll make sure they let you see Jenna, alrighty?"  
  
Josh was the one staring at Tyler now.  
He was talking with a couple of boys on his left, while he hid behind him on the right.  
But he's notice Tyler wasn't eating.  
Josh wanted to ask him why, but..  
 _He doesn't care about you, fuckwad. Now why the hell should you care about him?_  
"Hey, Josh! You gonna eat that?" Brendon, one of Tyler's friends, practically yelled.  
"Don't be so fucking loud man, you'll scare him, here have my food"  
Brendon looked at Tyler with sympathy.  
"Dude but-"  
Frank slammed his fist on the table.  
"Just grab the fucking food!"  
  
"Hi, Josh! So Tyler gave me a brief introduction of you before you came in here" Jenna said, motioning him to take a seat.  
"So, how are you?"  
Josh nodded.  
"That's good. Now, I have a few questions, if you don't want to answer, just tap the table. Okay?"  
He agreed all the way with Tyler. She was beautiful and kind.  
Though, he wasn't sure what he liked..

Tyler had Josh's head laying on his lap.  
They were sitting on the couch.  
 _I know you have some fucking questions for him. But you talk, and just wait and see what I have planned for you_.  
Gerard and Frank were laughing at some kid who they hated.  
Brendon was probably fucking someone in a broom closet.  
And Mikey was with Jenna.  
Josh reached for a white board and some markers.  
"Do you like to draw?"  
Josh shook his head 'no'.  
 **I can write here.  
** "Oh! Dude that's smart, I never would've thought of that. That's because I'm dumb. Haha, did you want to write something important?"  
 **Why don't you _  
_**Josh didn't get to finish writing.  
"Tyler Joseph! Nurse Jenna may speak with you now!"  
Tyler took Josh's hand and quickly sat him next to Patrick.  
"Take care of him, I have to go, okay? Bye, I'll see you!"  
  
There was only silence between them.  
Josh doesn't talk, Patrick was scared of new people.  
Thank the Lord Patrick decided to take charge.  
"S-so... H-how did you an... oh you d-don't ta-talk.. right"  
 **Why doesn't Tyler eat?**  
Patrick stared at him with sorrow.  
"I think y-you sh-should ask hi-him"   
  
 _ **SWITCH TO TYLER**_  
  
"Yeah! He's fricking beautiful! Sure he doesn't talk, but you can hear his thoughts. There's something about him... I just _really_  like him a lot" Tyler said, ready to continue talking about Josh, then Jenna shot him a look.  
"So, you _like_  Josh? As in, _like_?" She said, with a huge smile.  
Tyler could feel his face heat up.  
"Y-...yeah I really do. And as much as I'd like to have him with me forever, I'm never going to be able to leave this place... But he can, I just have to get him to talk. Then talk more and help him. If i help, he can leave. He won't have to endure not being able to live a normal human life"  
Jenna gave him a sad smile.  
 _Still trying to get into Heaven? Or do you actually care about him?_  
 _............_  
 _I actually do care._  
  
  
 _ **SWITCH TO JOSH**_  
  
Surprisingly enough, Patrick had stopped stuttering a lot.  
And started talking way beyond what anyone thought he could do.  
"There was this cute guy, and he had this emo look. Ahh! He was b-beautiful, you should've seen him! Wait.... are you gay? I never asked"  
 **I'm not sure.**  
"Well, what do you like? Girls? Boys? Both?"  
 **I like Tyler**  
Patrick smiled bigger than the moon.  
"Well, Josh, I have something to tell you. Tyler actually-"  
Something pounded on the table.  
"SUP FUCKERS!?" Brendon said, kicking the magazines off the table.  
That scared Josh.  
He yelped and started to shake.  
"Brendon!" Patrick shrieked at him.  
"You're scaring him!"  
Sudden panic flashed on Brendon's face.   
"Josh josh josh, sorry I'm sorry ah I um... It's okay please don't cry"  
He rubbed a hand on his back as Josh started to hyperventilate.  
 _Useless piece of shit. Look, where's Tyler? Wasn't he supposed to be here._  
Spooky started yelling at Josh for being so stupid, for being scared at a sudden noise, for wanted to talk.  
  
 _ **SWITCH TO TYLER**_

"Jenna, I... I have to go. Something doesn't feel right..."  
She looked at him.  
"Go"  
And so he did  
  
"Josh?"  
Josh was to busy breaking down to hear Tyler call out his name.  
"Shh, shh. It's going to be okay." Tyler whispered softly as he pet Josh's hair.  
People around them had started mumbling, some even started laughing.  
That caught the nurses attention.  
"Everyone return to their rooms!"  
The sudden rushing around and yelling made Josh start yelling, too.  
"Step away from him!"  
Josh's screams pierced Tyler's heart.  
They were filled with so many sad shades of black and blue.  
Tyler tried pushing the nurses off of him when the others took Josh.  
"Josh!"  
His wailing got louder and sharper.  
The most noise he's every done.  
Before they locked them both in separate rooms, Tyler yelled him name once more.  
And for the first time, he got a response.  
"TYLER!"  
The sound was beautiful but broken.  
Like the last living rose in the winter snow.  
Then the thing Tyler hated most.  
 _Silence_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I also have a ton of hw right now so like if there are any spelling mistakes im sorry fren.


	4. Luckily I can Read Your Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tbh sorry when i said friday. i suck at schedules. my excuse is my adhd and yeah.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i didnt check it for mistakes

Josh isn't crying anymore.  
That's why they let him come to his room.  
He wasn't doing anything anymore.  
They liked him like that.  
But Tyler's friends didn't  
  
 _He left you, it's been, what? 3 days now? A week? He won't come back, you should've never fucking gotten attached to him, you dummy._  
Josh had started shaking, scratching at the outer side of his eye.  
He would always do that.  
It would leave a little mark where the skin was peeled, to remind him that he was nothing.  
 _I'm going to go easy on you for a bit, but I genuinely think you're fucking retarded. Letting yourself like someone after spending your whole life hiding from people?_  
  
"Josh. Tyler isn't... _gone_. He's being held somewhere for a bit. This happens a lot, okay?" Jenna explained, "This isn't the first time, nor the last. Tyler tends to break down.. a lot"  
He nodded.  
His head lifted up a bit.  
Josh wanted to raise his head up, and speak.  
Tell her what's wrong.  
 _I said I'll go easy on you, but you fucking talk, and I will make sure you die a slow and painful death. You spoke once, strike one. Don't you test me._  
He looked straight down again.  
The noises coming from the door scared him.  
All those people probably hated him for cutting their free-time short.  
They hated him since the start.  
Everyone did.  
Even Tyler.  
 _Even Tyler_.  
  
That night, Josh had been beating himself up.  
Literally.  
Usually he got too caught up in Tyler and his beautiful smile that he didn't feel the need to harm himself.  
He missed Tyler, as much as he knew Spooky would kill him, he wanted Tyler here.  
Josh was willing to speak for Tyler to come back.  
He was willing to be free.  
He was willing to stop being terrified by everything.  
He was willing to _die_  for Tyler to return.  
  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
  
 _YOU'REFU CKIN GUSELE SS_  
 _D IE_  
 _YO U NEE D T O DI E_  
Tyler was screaming, pulling at his hair, peeling the skin off from anywhere he could reach.  
Bawling his eyes out.  
 _JO SH IS PR OB A BLY DYI NGBE CAUSE Y OU AREN' TTHE RE_  
 _SE LFISH I S WH ATY OU A RE_  
"PLEASE!!! PLEASE!! LET ME OUT HE NEEDS ME" Tyler yelled, banging at the heavy door.  
He hated heavy doors, they were one of his worst enemies.  
And a common one.  
Always being locked up behind them.  
 _Y OU WILLNO T G ETO UT_  
Blurry's deep echoing voice was making Tyler lose it.  
 _TR YSTAY I NG S ANE_  
"PLEASE AT LEAST DO TWO THINGS, TAKE CARE OF JOSH!!! MAKE SURE HE'S WITH JEN-" He didn't get to finish  
Blurry started yelling over him.  
Tyler tried ignoring the voice.  
But Blurry was a part of him.  
He couldn't get rid of him, not alone.  
 _Josh_...  
Tyler stopped screaming, crying, throwing a fit.  
He waited.  
They'll let him out soon.  
He was sure of it.  
  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
  


"So! I heard Tyler was coming back today! Are you excited?" Jenna said, in what even Josh knew was a forced enthusiastic voice.

But he still nodded, because he was happy for Tyler to come back.  
He missed him, though he was scared of what Spooky would say.  
 _Don't talk to him!! Don't even nod. Sit there, in silence.  
_

Josh knew he shouldn't pay attention to Spooky.  
In his defense, it's hard to ignore a scary voice who grows stronger with your fears.

"Josh! Aw dude, I missed you, you don't even know how much I missed you! And you talked! You're voice was so smooth, man... Like butter and ice and snails and.. Ew no maybe not snails but you get the point!" Tyler went on and on, with a huge smile plastered on him face.  
Josh couldn't resist that for long, heck, he couldn't contain himself now.  
He hugged Tyler and began to cry.  
Tears getting stronger and Spooky yelled at him, threatening him.  
"Josh, Josh! Shh, it's okay. I'm here now, you don't need to be scared." Tyler said, petting his hair.  
________________________________________________________________________________  
  
"Why isn't Josh here today?" Brendon asked.  
Tyler wasn't in the mood today so he just shrugged.  
Patrick scooted close to Tyler and pulled at his sleeves.  
"W-what... Is something," Patrick pauses as he thinks his sentence.  
Tyler gives a small smile at the thought of this.  
He starts to wonder of Josh would do the same if he taled.  
"Is something.. wrong?"  
Tyler sighs and glances over at Frank snickering at something Gerard said.  
"Do you think Josh hates me?" He finally says.  
It goes silent in their area, as Brendon, Frank, and Gerard start laughing as loudly as they possibly could.   
Mikey rolled his eyes and Patrick looked at him with sorry eyes.  
"Tyler, Josh l-"  
"ARE YOU FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW?" Brendon yelled, cutting off Patrick.  
Tyler turned to look at him.  
"Can you maybe stop cutting him off please?"  
Patrick turned pink as he buried his face in his hands.  
He hates people getting into arguments because of him.  
And of course, everyone joined in.  
So Tyler spaced out again.  
Only catching on to small fragments here and there.  
"Dude just shut up!"  
"G-guys.."  
"Using words as big as your forehead, Urie?"  
He sighed as his brain started making up reasons why Josh was acting weird.  
They were all different, but had one thing in common.  
They all included the idea that _Josh didn't like Tyler anymore_.  
____________________________________________________________________________  
  


Josh was peeling the skin off his fingers.  
 _You can't feel that. Hurt yourself more_.  
He could feel it, and it stung.  
But Josh did as told.  
"Josh? I know you're trying to sleep but, are you mad at me? Is it because you screamed my name? Oh that sounded bad, you know what I mean-"  
Josh yelped at the sudden rush of words.  
"Ah! Sorry..." Tyler whispered.  
He nodded, then remembered Tyler couldn't see him.  
After a while Tyler let out a long sigh and Josh heard the shuffle of blankets and the quiet creak of the bed.  
A mop of curly brown hair and careful brown eyes appeared.  
"Can I sleep with you?" He asked, his voice trailing off.  
 _Don't!_  
Josh gulped and covered his eyes.  
 _I swear to god-_  
He nodded.  
  
Pushing aside all the yelling Spooky was doing right now, Josh was glad he said yes.  
The smile Tyler gave him when he said yes.  
The soft smell of god knows what on him, he didn't care what it was, it made him happy.  
The feel of his arms around his thin frame.  
The warm aura around them right now.  
Josh didn't want this feeling to end.  
"Hey, Josh? Can I tell ya somethin'?" Tyler said quietly, a hint of sleep in his voice.  
He nodded once more to say yes.  
"I love you"  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its just kinda a filler with a cliffhanger again whOOPS


	5. authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry

i might start writing when school starts  
Which is September 6th, i write to get my mind off of things, since i have social anxiety, adhd, and everything in between.  
Sorry it's been like 3 months by the way,   
I'll probably make a separate tumblr account for this,   
anyways im off for writing until then  
heres the official good bye  
for now!  
find some good fics pls

**Author's Note:**

> Hope ya liked, it's my first fic and im a nervous wreck. Though, I doubt anyone will read this but the heck with that! I like writing so who cares, whoops.


End file.
